his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
