Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
