i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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