I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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