Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
try to milk me bitch
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
