She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
