he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
