Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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