M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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