I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
