i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
