I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
