She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How's work?
Spinning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
