I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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