I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
