Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
