Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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