Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
