All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
