I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
