he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
