I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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