Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
