He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
