I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
