k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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