It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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