Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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