Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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