I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
