why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
