this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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