I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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