you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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