Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
