this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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