My friends, they love my intelligence
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
