He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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