Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
