Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
