i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
