There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
