Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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