dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she told me i tasted like america
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
