a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
