dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
what day is it and did you see me today?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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