No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
