At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
