I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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