She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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