I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
